HOG REPORT
®Here comes another weekly edition of the "totally useless" HOG REPORT®. "Boldly going where no ham has gone before!"
TOP HOG - True to my pigdiction last week, there's a new TOP HOG snorting around. Da' Bears have a power rating of 31, a record of 4-1, and have scored a total of 417 points - 243 in the last two weeks! Butch's Bear Necessities, "those simple bear necessities"… laid the hurt on the "hapless" Buffalo Soldiers 103-97. Going into Monday Night Football the Soldiers appeared to have their first victory in hand. But, in the 4th quarter before you could say "Mowgli look out!", the Bears hog-tied the Soldiers. The hoglight being Manning's 28 yard pass to Harrison with 2:29 remaining. Could somebody please show Matt the way back to the Man Village? This publication salutes the Bears!
group HOG - C4, Widow, and the Fockers enjoyed a group HOG last week. Enough guys! Sadly to say it was ugly... picture trying to peel Hennings away from a plate full of Cheesy Potatoes. Last week all three stood out in ways that merit having divisional appreciation. Fortunately for this publication we have a new feature. Unfortunately for these teams they sputtered this week, scoring 67, 58, and 66 points respectively. Moving forward... let's get the following teams together for a group HOG...... C Division/Bear Necessities - they're hot what can I say, saved by Marvin Harrison's 28 yd. pass reception from Peyton Manning with 2:29 remaining ..... Doomsday/C4 - hanging on, it took a Fred Taylor 60 yd. pass reception with 1:47 remaining..... 3 Athletes and a Thinker/Rough Riders - consistent weekly, but needed everything Jason Elam had to offer 2 XP's and 3 FG's.
HOG of the week - There are many words to describe this team... hard luck, hapless... how about HOG of the week. The Buffalo Soldiers all but won last weekend. They marched into Monday night Football as the highest scoring team of the week. At halftime the Soldiers first victory appeared to be in hand. Then with 2:29 remaining in the 4th quarter on Monday Night Football hard luck fell upon the hapless again. The next day the Buffalo Soldiers displayed great honor even in the face of being defeated 103-97. As the Soldiers start gunning for next season's battle, let us remember their fight on this day.
PIG snort - highest scoring team is Widowmakers with 433 points for. Team with most points scored against is the Buffalo Soldiers with with 467 points against. PIG poop - C Division record is 12-8, TA&T is 10-10, and Doomsday is 7-11-2. PIG squeal- the Buffalo Soldiers would like to make the following known... "this little piggie has gone to the market!" This little piggie being the Buffalo Soldiers. Oh, and we had another trade.... Pigskins send Santana Moss and crack wide receiver Jimmy Smith to the Blackcats for Joe Horn.
Breakdown HOG - as we approach the half way mark in the SFFL season... that's right this weekend is game number 6... we'd like to introduce a new feature inspired by Mr. Breakdown himself (Widowmakers). Since the SFFL is divided into three divisions there's a new rule (Mike's Rule) which determines the wildcard team for the playoffs. Last year we simply took the top four teams from a single division. This year "Mike's Rule" is in effect. Divisional leaders are in bold below and would advance to the playoffs. The wildcard would be the team with the best Breakdown record of the remaining teams. Well let's just see Where's Widow...
Puck Fackers 39-16-0
Pigskins 34-20-1
C4 Explosives 33-20-2
Bear Necessities 32-23-0
Widowmakers 32-23-0
Rough Riders 30-25-0
Southsiders 25-30-0
Blackcats 24-30-1
D-Teasers 24-30-1
Buffalo Soldiers 21-33-1
P-Cubed 19-35-1
Flea Flickers 13-41-1
QB HOGS - 5 teams with 3 QB's; Flea Flickers, Puck Fackers, Bear Necessities, C4 Explosives, Pigskins
RB
HOG - 6 teams with 4 RB's;
C4 Explosives, Blackcats, Buffalo Soldiers, D-Teasers, P-Cubed,
Southsiders
WR HOG
- 1 team with 6 WR's; Southsiders(Robinson,KJohnson,Shaw,Gardner,Price, McCareins). 3 teams with 5 WR's; Widowmakers(Jackson,Pinkston,CJohnson,Booker,Thrash), Pigskins(Horn, Bruce,JSmith,Stallworth,Porter), Blackcats(Bryant,SMoss,Warrick,JSmith,Streets)FAAB remaining HOG
It was time to junk the old boob tube. I just got a new HD(HOG Definition)TV. It even has PIP (Pigture in a Pigture). As I was turning on my pigjection screen for the first time... the following Coors Light commercial was playing...
"I. Love. Playin' two-hand touch. Eatin' way too much. Watching my team win . . . With the twins."
I LOVE THOSE TWINS!
More Twin links....
http://www.twinship.tv/scrapbook.htm
http://www.twinship.tv/autographs.htm
