Another weekly edition of the "totally useless" HOG REPORT. Who let the hogs out - who... who, who, who... who let the hogs out - who... who, who, who... yes, we're hurting for material, wait til you read the rest of this report!

TOP HOG - let's flashback to last year... the league doormat was the Bad News Bears.  This years Bears are quite different.  Butch has built his team around two solid wide receivers.  The Bears have a league best record of 6-1 and have scored the second most points with 579.  This past week they squeaked out a slim 76-75 win over the Nose Pickers.  Still the Bears remain the SFFL's TOP HOG with a POWER Rating of 32.5.  The Rough "Pony" Riders are closing the gap with the next best Power Rating of 28.5. Which is a perfect segue (pronounce seg-way) into this weeks - da, da, da, da - "game of the week"! The league's two top teams square off for TOP HOG bragging rights at high noon on Sunday. Pigdiction… based on strength of schedule I like the Bear Necessities by 10.

Ham radio - some streaming audio to be experienced for the first time in this newsletter… From 670 AM… the "SCORE".  "Live from Ditka's… it's jag bag Thursday… where you tell us something somebody said, something somebody did, or something that aggravates you… "Let's go right to the phones, we go to Buffalo Soldier in Bloomington… what's up Buffalo?  Hello Pappi and Uncle Fuzzy!  I'm a first time jag bagger (ruff, ruff).  I have a jag bag for our commissioner and the handling of running back Willis McGahee.  I tried top pick this running back up last week and was denied!  For this our commish is a jag bag!  "Another caller is on the line… from Normal and it's Widowmaker on a car phone… what's up Widow?  Dude, I have two jag bags… one is for the Boss Hog and his HOG breakdown… you see it was my "suggestion", but he keeps on saying it was my idea.  He's even gone so far as to call it Mike's rule… Boss Hog you are a jag bag!  What's your other jag bag?  Huh, I dunno… "Next caller it's the Bears Necessities from Bloomington… what's up Bears?  I have 11 jag bags for the owners in the SFFL.  They all think you have to have running backs to win fantasy football… not me, I went with wide receivers… in fact if I could I'd start 8 wide receivers I would, but in this league you can't!  For this they're all jag bags!  "We got D-Teasers from Kappa… what's up DT?  I have one jag bag and it's for Olandis Gary.  I spent $33 for this lousy bum… Gary, you are a jag bag!  "Another caller from downstate… it Blackcat!  What's up Pussycat?  I have a jag bag for Steve Bartman.  Steve, you are an idiot, you grabbed for that frickin foul ball and screw up the Cubs chances at the World series… Steve, are you related to Dick Jauron?  You look like him… for this you are forever a total jag bag!  "We got Flea Flicker on a car phone, what's up Flea?  My jag bag goes out to Mike Vick.  I've been waiting all year for this sucker to help my fantasy team… where the heck are you?  Michael Vick, you are a fantasy jag bag!  "We go to Southsiders on the south side… what's up Southsider?  My jag bag is for CBS Sportsline… you see, I'm tied… then I'm still tied… I look again and I'm tied… later, I'm still tied… then Tuesday morning I lose by 2 points… meaning I'm not tied… Sportsline, you are a jag bag!  "We go to P-Cubed on the farm… what's up P-Cubed?  Hello… I guess I'm what you call a first time caller (ruff, ruff).  Not really, I just wanted to hear the little doggie bark.  Anyway I don't think I have a jag bag… what is a jag bag?  I know Butch had jet lag after his trip to Seattle.  I guess my jet lag is for Butch… Butch you are a jet lag! Does that make sense?  "A caller from Wisconsin… it's Puck Fackers on a wireless device… what's up Focker?  I have two jag bags… one for Kurt Warner, and one for Donovan McScabb… I spent a lot of money on these guys and they frickin stink.  I'd rather have Brenda Warner… is she available?  Kurt and Donovan… you are both quarterback jag bags!  "We've got Augie the "Supreme Ruler" on a car phone… What's up Augie?  Hello Pappi, first time caller (ruff, ruff)… I have a jag bag for all those punky owners out there who don't understand the Willis McGahee rule…. you see the rule was intended to prevent owners from…  and then I… then they…  "I think your line is breaking up Augie, you'll have to call back…   "Our final call is also from Bloomington, it's Rough Rider on a Pony, what's up Rider?  I'm a second time caller… where's the dog?  Anyway, my jag bag goes out to the Widowmakers.  I could have been the TOP HOG this week but they got lucky and beat me 114-102.  They potentially knocked me out of the TOP HOG spot… and for this they are a jag bag!  Better yet they are a lousy corporate dressed jag bag!  "Easy there Rider… that's all this week... this is Mike North and Doug Buffone saying goodbye... you're all jag bags!"

groupHOG - Time for the usual teams to come together - ménage a trois… C-Division's Bear Necessities, Doomsday's C4 Explosives, and TA&T's Rough Riders get to enjoy another groupHOG.

HOG of the week - my favorite nemesis, the Widowmakers, rightfully claim this week's HOG of the week award.  After an embarrassing 40 point performance last week and an almost equally embarrassing 58 point performance the week before that...  the Widowmakers unleashes a 114 point performance over the Pony Riders.  Widow has scored 59, 127, 79, 110, 58, 40, and then 112 points last week.  With stats like these it hard to believe but the Widowmakers are our league's overall top scoring team with 585 points.  They're a funny team capable of scoring 40 points one week, then exploding for hundreds of points the next.  This feast or famine team is dangerous one week or a BYE the next.  Kind of like a bow of chocolates... you never know what you're going to get!  Boss Hog says "take your hats off to this week's wiener!"  And keep those chocolates away from the Widowmaker!

Pig snort - highest scoring team is the Widowmakers with 585 points. Team with the most points scored against is the Buffalo soldiers with 630.  Pig poop - this week C Division's record is 16-12, TA&T is 15-13, and Doomsday is 10-16-2.  Pig squeal - D-Teasers went without a quarterback and got hammered.  A SFFL record low score of 23 Michael Jordan points.

PIG deal - there have been 7 weeks of fantasy competition... and the league's 7th trade of the season occurred last night.  The Supreme Ruler sends quarterback Trent Green to the Fockers for wide receiver Andre Johnson. 

HOG breakdown - a.k.a. Mike's rule… "Where's Widow"???
Pigskins 53-23-1
Puck Fackers 48-29
Bear Necessities 47-30
Rough Riders 47-30
C4 Explosives 45-30-2
Widowmakers 43-34 
Buffalo Soldiers 36-39-2
Southsiders 33-44
D-Teasers 30-46-1
Blackcats 29-47-1
P-Cubed 27-49-1
Flea Flickers 19-56-2

Piggy Bank (aka FAAB)
Blackcats $23
Puck Fackers $17
Widowmakers $16
Pigskins $14
Bear Necessities $12
Rough Riders $11
P-Cubed $8
Southsiders $7
Flea Flickers $5
C4 Explosives $4
D-Teasers $3
Buffalo Soldiers $2

HOG market report (free agency)
Buffalo Soldiers 16 adds
Pigskins 15
C4 Explosives 12
Rough riders 10
Southsiders 9
Bear Necessities 7
P-Cubed 7
Widowmakers 7
Flea Flickers 6
Blackcats 6
D-teasers 5
Puck Fackers 3

Pork Futures (trades)
3 trades - C4 Explosives
2 trades - Buffalo Soldiers, Pigskins, Southsiders
1 trade - Blackcats, Bear Necessities, Flea Flickers, Rough Riders, Puck Fackers
0 trades - Widowmakers, D-Teasers, P-Cubed (try this… click "transactions", then "trade"…)

QB HOG - Puck Fackers with 4 quarterbacks, RB HOG - Buffalo Soldiers with 5 running backs, WR HOG - Blackcats and Flea Flickers with 5 wide receivers, DST HOG - D-Teasers with 3 defense and special teams, TE HOG - none to report, K HOG - none to report.