Thursday, November 20, 2003

HOG Report®

Oink, oink, snort... here comes the HOG Report®. "It ain't over till the fat lady sings!"

HOG of the week - Hands Down…. Remember that game??? Puck Fackers is the HOG of the week. Heck their bench scored 73 points and could have beaten half of the SFFL league teams last week! And that's only 6 players. Those crazy Fockers play the… here comes that word… the "hapless" Bear Necessities this week in the Supreme Rulers "game of the week". My pigdiction… Fockers end King Louie, Mowgli, Baloo and Shere Khan's journey to the Man Village. Butch made quite a run with his blue chip wide outs, but injuries and depth contributed to his fall. Hey it ain't over till the fat lady sings…. what's that I hear in the distance? Yes, an important game… game of the week? One of many… how about the match ups in the Three Athletes and a Thinker division? Pony Riders and Siders from the South are both dependent on good showings this week. They don't play against each other but they could both win or both lose and tie for best conference record. They're tied head-to-head so it could come down to total points scored. If this is tied, then it comes down to head-to-head points of which Brian holds the tie breaker… how confusing. My pigdiction… Buffalo Soldiers send Bulger and Holt against Arizona… Widowmakers send Brady to Houston and Johnson to San Diego… Pony Riders and Siders from the South both lose and it comes down to total points… Roosevelt holds the edge with a 16 point lead… how confusing! Yeah right… this stuff is easy to pigdict! Revised pigdiction… Siders from the South have the best team in the division now with Rudi Johnson and Terrell Owens. They beat Buffalo Soldiers, Pony Riders lose.

TOP HOG by division - C Division's (24-20-0) TOP HOG is now the Puck Facker at 7-4. Butch still says it ain't over till it's over… and he's right… this is the NFL… never figure league. Blackcats are licking their wounds from last weeks beating. And P-Cubed… well they are in a perpetual state of injury and inactivity. Remember Kurt Warner last year? How about Marshall Faulk, Travis Henry and Jeremy Shockey this year? I pity any player added or traded to this team. And then there's Keyshawn Johnson. I sure wish Brad good luck the rest of the way… did you know… Yiddish superstition exists which says that wishing another good luck "tempts the gods" and causes bad luck, so negative expressions are substituted… ok… "hey Brad, break a leg!"… "I hope Pennington pulls his hammy!"… "gosh your team sucks!" TA&T's Division (23-21-0) TOP HOG is the Rough Riders and Southsiders. I think the Southsiders have upgraded their team immensely with Rudi and Terrell. Pony Riders are running out of gas… and is that the fat lady I hear singing in the distance? Finally.. the Doomsday's Division (18-24-2) TOP HOG is C4 Explosives. They like the energizer bunny… they just keep winning, and winning, and winning. This is statistically the most pathetic division in the league… but they may end up sending 2 teams to the playoffs.

Wildcard HOG - the Pigskins are (still?) the Wildcard HOG. Did you know… they could lose this week, end up with a losing record, and still get into the playoffs? All because of Mike's rule…hey everybody... Where's Widow?

 

Record

Points

 

Breakdn

 

Power

C4 Explosives

8-2-1

936

Pigskins

81-37-3

C4 Explosives

35.0

Bear Necessities

7-4-0

830

C4 Explosives

79-39-3

Puck Fackers

29.5

Puck Fackers

7-4-0

912

Puck Fackers

76-45-0

Pigskins

29.0

Rough Riders

7-4-0

842

Widowmakers

64-57-0

Rough Riders

25.5

Southsiders

7-4-0

826

Rough Riders

62-58-1

Widowmakers

23.0

Blackcats

6-5-0

812

Buffalo Soldiers

57-62-2

Southsiders

21.0

Pigskins

5-5-1

924

Southsiders

57-64-0

Bear Necessities

20.5

Widowmakers

5-6-0

899

Blackcats

56-63-2

Blackcats

17.5

Buffalo Soldiers

4-7-0

762

Bear Necessities

55-64-2

Buffalo Soldiers

13.5

P-Cubed

4-7-0

760

D-Teasers

49-70-2

D-Teasers

9.0

D-Teasers

3-8-0

769

P-Cubed

48-71-2

P-Cubed

7.5

Flea Flickers

2-9-0

695

Flea Flickers

32-86-3

Flea Flickers

3.0

HOG Market Report - a quick look at what we've got left in our Piggy Banks and what available on Free Agency and Waivers. Remember the deadline for waivers and free agent claims 6pm tonight.

Piggy Bank

FAAB

FREE AGENTS

Waivers

Blackcats

$20

QB

WR

Michael Ricks

Rough Riders

$7

Drew Brees

Justin McCareins

Shayne Graham

Widowmakers

$7

Jay Fiedler

Kelly Campbell

Mike Anderson

Bear Necessities

$6

Kelly Holcomb

Bobby Engram

Colts

Pigskins

$5

Tim Rattay

Travis Taylor

Josh Reed

C4 Explosives

$4

 

Deion Branch

Paul Edinger

P-Cubed

$3

RB

 

Jerry Rice

Flea Flickers

$2

Shawn Bryson

TE  K

Kyle Boller

Buffalo Soldiers

$1

Lamont Jordan

Dallas Clark

Vikings

Southsiders

$1

Stacey Mack

Christian Fauria

 

D-Teasers

$0

Trung Canidate

Olindo Mare

 

Puck Fackers

$0

Ladell Betts

Doug Brien

 

Remember... It ain't over till the fat lady sings!

Disclaimer: No part of the following edisnortial may be reproduced, adapted, translated, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher (Widowmaker).  The HOG Report® would like to remind you that the following opinion is that of its owner and not necessarily that of this publication. Neither this publication, its parent or subsidiary companies nor its affiliates agree to indemnify and hold harmless Widowmakers and its affiliates, their respective directors, officers, employees and agents from and against all bodily harm and expenses, including attorneys' fees, arising out of the consequences of character defamation from the following edisnortial.  In other words... there may be some truth to this.

  A Guest Edisnortial by Widowmakers   Now that this owner's season is over, I decided to look around the league and observe some of the competition.  Much to my surprise, I believe I have stumbled across something so hair raising that it almost scares me to write this for fear of a similar demise to others who exposed the guilty.  Therefore, I will stay away from grassy knolls and anybody wearing dark sunglasses and an ear plug.  One of the league owners is NOT who they propose to be and I believe intentionally trying to perpetuate their own myth beyond the realm of reality.  I speak of the one and only PIGSKINS.  My fellow owners, this owner, this traitor, cannot be trusted.  I do not know why he continues his escapades.  Perhaps it is a desire to lure us into his web of deceit and not take him seriously when we match up against him.  After all, he is Boss Hogg, the Pigskin, the Little Piggy That Went to Town.  He is unassuming and gentle.  Wrong!!!!  This owner is not even a pig!!!!  On just this past Tuesday, this owner observed the "Pigskin" (I can only use quotes from here on out when using his alleged name) munching on a treat.  A treat so tasty he polished off the entire bag while mindlessly chatting with this owner and another witness (who I might add has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared), never thinking for a second of the repercussions of his act.  His treat????  Pork Rinds!!!!  This "Pigskin" is, in fact, nothing more than a cannibal, yes a cannibal, that was undoubtedly devouring yet another innocent victim who had stumbled across his path and was no longer necessary to aid the "Pigskin" in his evil ways, whatever those might be.  Listen now and hear me later fellow owners, the "Pigskin" is nothing more than a wolf in pig's clothing!!!  We all have been entertained by his humorous weekly reports yet I believe there is something much deeper here that has now surfaced.  What was next for him?  A hog roast?  A rib contest?  We may never know his diabolical plan but hopefully, you will all now see the "Pigskin" for who he really is and make sure to keep one eye on him when he is around.  Be warned fellow owners!!  Be warned!!!!  As a coach used to tell me, see the ball, be the ball, don't be the pork rind!!!!