Hog Report®

Oink, oink, snort… here comes the Hog Report® for week 8.

Hog of the Week – Three teams hit the century mark this week in scoring… Rough Riders (104), Pigskins (101), and Widowmakers, the Rough Riders received  an incredible performance from Jake "the Snake" Plummer who threw for 499 yards.  Pigskins benched Matt Hasselbeck and played the surprisingly productive Drew Brees who threw for 5 touchdowns.  But it was the Widowmakers who had more balance on and off their bench than the Rough Riders or Pigskins.  Impressive scoring this week… and tough line up decisions for Hennings to come… we should all be so lucky.  For the Widowmakers, the Steelers Defense was so impressive in their victory over the New England Patriots.  The Steelers jumped out early, punched New England in the nose and stayed on them all day long.  The Steel Curtain recorded 19 fantasy points for Mike…. they recovered 2 fumbles, had a touchdown and 4 sacks.  This impressive defensive performance along with nice production from TE Tony Gonzales and the newly acquired WR Marvin Harrison places the Widowmakers slightly above the Pony Riders and the Oinkers as the Hog of the Week.  Congrats to Mike!

HOTW Past winners…

Week 1 – Puck Fackers, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 2 – P-Cubed, Rough Riders

Week 3 – Bear Necessities

Week 4 – D-Teasers

Week 5 – C4 Explosives, Rough Riders

Week 6 – C4 Explosives

Week 7 – D-Teasers

Week 8 – Widowmakers

The Hog Report® presents its exclusive ‘post game analysis’…  this year, to expand upon our reputation of providing totally useless information, we take a look at what could have been.  Aided by highly sophisticated gadgetry (calculators) and state-of-the-art statistical notation (paper and pencil), this publication has compiled mind-numbing estimatics (report below) that backwardly projects optimal scores based on optimal lineups… 

Or what we like to call, “Points in the Pen”.

Widowmakers 112  Puck Fackers 84

Hennings' new and improved lineup seemed to be too much for the Puck Fackers to handle this past weekend.  As I mentioned earlier, the Pittsburgh defense came up big for Mikey.  Marvelous Harrison and T-Gonz cha-ching grabbed 2 TDs each.  Mikey’s bench scored 62 points… that should be the norm from now on.  For a guy who thinks the TE position is lame…. the Widow received 24 points from T-Gonz and 18 points from Gates on the bench (Geez).  Puck Fackers' McNabb didn't do much of anything this game and that may have been key for Hennings.  Donnovan hit TO for one big score but coughed up the rock on the 1 yard line when heading for another one. A pretty tame fantasy day, but that's to be expected against Baltimore's D.  Priest went silly again… not 4 TDs by halftime, just 3 the whole afternoon.  There were points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

Widowmakers 133  Puck Fackers 104

Rough Riders 104  Bear Necessities 53

What a time for the Bears Thomas Jones to sprain a big toe!  What a time for Randy Moss to tweak his hammy!  What a time for Drew Bennett to have a bye week!  And, what a time for Bubba Franks to only get 7 yards, no fantasy points.  This one hurts… 4 players and no points... ZERO!  I think it’s amazing the Bear Necessities even scored 53 points!  Good news for Brett Favre fans, he only sprained his thumb.  Terrell Owens had a big game as usual, and let us all know about it...as usual.  Doing the Ray Lewis dance in the end zone after he scores was not a bright move TO.  I'd watch out for knife-wielding bands of people popping out of limos at the Super Bowl... Ray Ray and his crew have a way of Slicing Up the competition wink wink.  Seriously, to do that damn dance, TO had to practice.  That means he spent all week practicing that dance so he could bust that out in the game.  Self-grandizing?  Narcissistic?  Yes, yes.  I hope these teams meet again in the near future and Ray Lewis uncorks on TO.  Rough Riders are a team to watch… sure the Widowmakers will probably with that division, but the wildcard is within Roosevelt’s reach.  The Rough Riders are two time Hog of the Week award winners…. and they could’ve very easily won this week too.  My mid-season wildcard pick goes to Roosevelt Moore!  There were points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

Rough Riders 109  Bear Necessities 61

Pigskins 101  Flea Flickers 82

The Oinkers made the right choice for once this year… Hasselbeck was benched in favor of Drew Brees who responded with 5 TDs… and the Pigs needed it.  The Flea Flickers had one of their better days… unfortunately Corey Dillon came up injured by game time and produced nothing.  There was a Michael Vick sighting… and Brian’s patience paid off as Willis McGahee had a hundred yards and 2 TDs.  He opened the entire offense up and the Bills burned scoreboard bulbs to the tune of 38 points.  Think Travis Henry is going to get his job back?  Not a chance.  McGahee is that good, and now he's on his way.  The Pigskin’s Ahman Green put up 143 total yards and a couple of scores.  And, who would have predicted Drew Brees would throw 5 TDs all year let alone in one game!  From now on, Brees will start…. There were points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

Pigskins 111  Flea Flickers 101

Buffalo Soldiers 74  Blackcats 70

In the closest head to head match up of the week, the Buffs come from behind to sneak past the Blackcats by 4 points.  It took a big performance from Randy McMichael on MNF to help clinch the victory.  The Buff’s Tiki Barber is just rolling right now… 2 more TDs and a hundred yards.  Big Ben continues to impress as he tossed for 196 yards and 2 TDs with no INTs.  I am totally impressed with Ben Roethlisberger... this kid has poise and composure beyond his years.  He has a cannon arm, good feet and is very smart.  He is everything you can ask for in a QB... great keeper for the Buffaloes!  For the Blackcats, the larger than life sized Gary Coleman looking Byron Leftwich couldn't find the end zone one single time.  My pick for SFFL keeper of the year really sucked this past weekend… huh Webster, erh Byron?  The Texans' D was just nasty, they were all over the field even scooping a pick-6 off Gary Coleman... whatchoo talkin' about Willis?  Jacksonville is up one week, down the next.  They can stomp a top opponent and lose to a weak one.  On the bright side for the Blackcats, the Seahawks finally realized they need to run the crap out of Shaun Alexander who hung 150 yards and a couple of scores against the struggling Carolina Defense.  There were gapping holes the size of highways open for him all day!  But, the Blackcats came up short even with points in the pen:

Buffalo Soldiers 85  Blackcats 81

P-Cubed 92  Southsiders 61

Trent Green (389 yards, 3 TDs) and Rod Smith (214 yards, TD) came alive to boost P-Cubed past the hapless Southsiders.  P-Cubed even left 59 points on the bench… the Turf-Toed wonder Chris Brown had a good game after not practicing all week (170 yards, TD).  And, Chad Pennington passed for 3 TDs last night against the formidable Miami defense.  Not much to report for the “wait till next year” Southsiders.  Newly acquired Droughns gained 112 yards , Walker got 57 yards and a TD, and Robinson had 91 yards… a total of 29 fantasy points.  The good news for the Southsiders, they played their optimum lineup so there were no points left on the bench.  If you add the points in the pen for P-Cubed, the rout could’ve been:

P-Cubed 112  Southsiders 61

D-Teasers 93  C4 Explosives 63

DT blows past C4, in what turned out to be a rather dismal day for the C4 Explosives.  Peyton Manning… in a Sunday game that featured the two best offenses (Indy, KC) against the two worst defenses (Indy, KC)... these two NFL teams racked up more than 1000 yards total offense!  It was a fantasy football owner's wet dream… and Manning went nuts!  Peyton had 472 yards passing and 5 TDs.  If it weren’t for that 4^th quarter interception, he would have had more.  This past weekend C4 was in the same boat as the rest of us at QB.  Dante came back to earth only throwing for 231 and 1 TD with 2 INTs.  Randy Moss was gimped out there and shouldn't have tried to play at all… which is really the key to Dante’s success.  Mewelde Moore was a non-factor as the Vikes played from way behind all day long.  Fragile Freddy Taylor is conjuring up nightmares past for C4 as he came into this game hobbled, tried to go, and was out after 3 carries.  There were points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

D-Teasers 110  C4 Explosives 72

A list you want to be on…

Optimal Lineups – Managers of the week

Week 1 – Puck Fackers, D-Teasers

Week 2 – Puck Fackers, D-Teasers, P-Cubed, C4 Explosives, Buffalo Soldiers, Flea Flickers

Week 3 – Puck Fackers, P-Cubed, Bear Necessities, Pigskins, Rough Riders

Week 4 – D-Teasers, Bear Necessities, Rough Riders, Widowmakers, Blackcats

Week 5 – Widowmaker, Blackcats

Week 6 – Rough Riders, Blackcats

Week 7 – D-Teasers, C4 Explosives, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 8 – Southsiders

A list you don’t want to be on…

Optimal Wins – games you would have won with the optimal lineup in

Week 1 – Blackcats, Flea Flickers, C4 Explosives

Week 2 – Roughriders, Pigskins (TIE)

Week 3 – Southsiders

Week 4 – None

Week 5 – P-Cubed

Week 6 – P-Cubed, Flea Flickers, Buffalo Soldiers (TIE)

Week 7 – None

Week 8 – None

Where’s Widow?