Hog Report®

Oink, oink, snort… here comes the Hog Report® for week 9.

Hog of the Week – Again, three teams hit the century mark… Buffalo Soldiers (101), Rough Riders (106), and the Pigskins (120).  The Buffs continue to ride Tiki Barber and still have a shot for the Wildcard.  Roosevelt remains another good bet for the Wildcard… Rose lost for the second time this year while scoring a hundred fantasy points.  The Pigskins who score a hundred points for the second consecutive week, beat the solid effort form the Rough Riders and deserve the weekly honor.  The Oinkers jumped out to a substantial lead early Sunday afternoon… then held on through ESPN Sunday Night Football and ABC’s Monday Night Football to claim the victory.  The scary part for the little piggies was watching Punter Adam Viniatieri kick 4 FGs, 4 XPs, and throw a TD… amazing!  Three deserving teams, but one winner… the Pigskins are the Hog of the Week.  Congrats to Me!

HOTW Past winners…

Week 1 – Puck Fackers, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 2 – P-Cubed, Rough Riders

Week 3 – Bear Necessities

Week 4 – D-Teasers

Week 5 – C4 Explosives, Rough Riders

Week 6 – C4 Explosives

Week 7 – D-Teasers

Week 8 – Widowmakers

Week 9 – Pigskins

The Hog Report® presents its exclusive ‘post game analysis’…  this year, to expand upon our reputation of providing totally useless information, we take a look at what could have been.  Aided by highly sophisticated gadgetry (calculators) and state-of-the-art statistical notation (paper and pencil), this publication has compiled mind-numbing estimatics (report below) that backwardly projects optimal scores based on optimal lineups… 

Or what we like to call, “Points in the Pen”.

Pigskins 120  Rough Riders 106

The suddenly surprising and surging Pigskins squeak past the wildcard hopeful Rough Riders in a rather high scoring game totaling 226 points… not to mention, 124 more on the bench!  Pigskin’s Drew Brees followed up last week's 5 TD effort with another solid performance throwing 4 TDs and 257 yards… maybe a nice keeper for next year?  NFL Player of the Week Michael Pittman (128 yards, 3 TDs) did his best Priest Holmes imitation, scoring three times for the Pigskins… maybe another nice keeper?  And the suddenly versatile Clinton Portis (147 yards, 1 pass TD) lofted a 15 yard touchdown pass... in all, a wonderful Sunday afternoon for the Pigskins.  Speaking of versatile… Rough Riders’ kicker Adam Vinitieri booted 4 FGs, 4 XPs, and threw 1 touchdown pass.  Then, Roosevelt called on the Plummer… who followed up last week's tremendous effort (4 TDs) with another strong game… throwing (again) for 4 TDs!  The Riders weren’t done… the Raven’s Defense played huge with a Touchdown, 3 Sacks, Interception, and a Fumble Recovery.  The two highest scoring teams of the week wasting their production on each other… what a shame!  Lots of points in the Pen… the outcome’s the same, but the score could’ve been:

Pigskins 146  Rough Riders 129

Puck Fackers 43 Bear Necessities 36

In a head to head match up that showcased a total of 79 points… the Fackers hold on to defeat the Bears by 7.  The Bear Necessities only highlight was the Chicago Bears Defense who had 3 Fumble Recoveries, 2 Interceptions, and 7 Sacks… good for 21 fantasy points!  On the bench, Tim Rattay threw for 259 yards and 2 TDs.  On the other side of the field, the news wasn’t much better for the Puck Fackers… except they got the W.  McNabb had 2 fantasy points.  Other than that….  RB Priest Holmes left the game in the third quarter with what is being describes as a bruised knee, not considered to be serious.  Priest had a rather pedestrian day... 62 yards, 2 TDs.  There were some points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

Puck Fackers 58 Bear Necessities 46

Blackcats 88 P-Cubed 70

Whoa Nellie!  If ifs and buts were candy and nutz... Brad must be second guessing himself.  Trent Green 22 fantasy points… Torry Holt 17…  Ugh!  A tough call for any team manager… Green’s been hot, but was facing the stingy Tampa Bay defense… Holt was rested coming off a bye, but was facing an equally stingy defense in New England.  Who do you play.  Doesn’t it seem you always make the wrong decision?  P-Cubed QB Chad Pennington left midway thru the fourth quarter with a bruised shoulder on his throwing arm (not for playing poorly as the announcers were speculating).  A case of Bad news good news for the Blackcats… Leftwich reportedly will miss 4-6 weeks, now reports say it might only be two.  Blackcat QB Jake Delhomme had a great game...he had to… RB Stephen Davis sat out again and the Panthers had ZERO running game. Delhomme threw for 299 yards and 3 scores.  Blackcats' Shaun Alexander had another great afternoon rolling up 160 yards and 2 scores.  There were points in the P-Cubed pen… holy cow, with an optimum lineup the results could’ve been:

Blackcats 88 P-Cubed 102 (third time this year for P-Cubed)

D-Teasers 73 Southsiders 43

The team formerly known as the Southsiders showed up… DT stomped them by 30 points.  The lone Southsider highlight was Ruben Droughns 126 rushing and receiving yards… oh, Isaac Bruce did score a TD.  QB Warner did too, but also had 2 fumbles lost and 2 interceptions.  The head to head match up between the two teams was actually close heading into Monday Night Football… D-Teasers 45 Southsiders 35.  But Southsiders’ Marcus Robinson and Jermain Wiggins scored only 8 fantasy points together.  D-Teasers received their usual strong effort from QB Peyton Manning (268 yards, 4 TDs).  DT would like to extend his thanks to Darrell Jackson for breaking out with 2 scores after being downgraded to doubtful. Mikey says the Southsiders would've won 81-64 w/ Deuce, Rudi, Marvin, Antonio and Eagles... There were some points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

D-Teasers 86 Southsiders 47

Buffalo Soldiers 101 C4 Explosives 71

This one pains me to write about since the commish dropped another one… sniff, sniff.  The Buffs continue to march to the beat of Tiki Barber and crew.  Tiki Barber (131 total yards, 2 TD) scored twice in the first quarter and it looked like the Giants would win in a romp. But as the game wore on, Tiki was contained by the menacing Chicago Bears Defense.  Buffalo Soldiers’ RB Domanick Davis haunted his former team for 71 yards and 2 TDs.  But C4 planned well for this game securing Anthony Thomas off free agency… 115 yards, 2 TDs.  It was the rest of C4’s team which let him down.  Dante Culpepper is one cold pepper without Randy Moss.  Jamal Lewis (81 yards, TD) really wasn’t that impressive either… here’s what happened…. punting out of their own end zone, Cleveland Punter Derrick Frost sent a booming punt 7 yards, giving the ball to Baltimore inside 10 yard line…. Jamal Lewis rushed three times, finally hitting paydirt on his third try.  There were points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

Buffalo Soldiers 111 C4 Explosives 75

Widowmakers 96  Flea Flickers 74

Saving the best for last… Widowmakers beat the Flea Flickers by 22 points.  Flea Flicker’s Willis McGahee (143 yards, TD), had another great day!  Flicker kicker Matt Stover recorded 4 field goals and an extra point.  For a second week in a row Widowmakers’ Tight Ends were amazing… T-Gonz 123 yards and a TD, A-Gates 56 yards and 3 TDs.  Mike is still trying to insert a lineup where all positions score double figures… this week the kicker and one of his WRs did not.  Poor Mike... I must stop myself from commenting further... Mikey may get upset.  There were points in the pen, the score could’ve been:

Widowmakers 101  Flea Flickers 86

A list you want to be on…

Optimal Lineups – Managers of the week

Week 1 – Puck Fackers, D-Teasers

Week 2 – Puck Fackers, D-Teasers, P-Cubed, C4 Explosives, Buffalo Soldiers, Flea Flickers

Week 3 – Puck Fackers, P-Cubed, Bear Necessities, Pigskins, Rough Riders

Week 4 – D-Teasers, Bear Necessities, Rough Riders, Widowmakers, Blackcats

Week 5 – Widowmaker, Blackcats

Week 6 – Rough Riders, Blackcats

Week 7 – D-Teasers, C4 Explosives, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 8 – Southsiders

Week 9 – Blackcats

A list you don’t want to be on…

Optimal Wins – games you would have won with the optimal lineup in

Week 1 – Blackcats, Flea Flickers, C4 Explosives

Week 2 – Roughriders, Pigskins (TIE)

Week 3 – Southsiders

Week 4 – None

Week 5 – P-Cubed

Week 6 – P-Cubed, Flea Flickers, Buffalo Soldiers (TIE)

Week 7 – None

Week 8 – None

Week 9 – P-Cubed

Where’s Widow?