Hog Report®

 

Oink, oink, snort… here comes the Hog Report®.

 

Hog of the Week – Gone are the days of the tight end… gone are the days where 80 or 90 points nearly assured one of a victory… gone are the Southsiders… 5 teams scored more than a hundred points this past weekend!  Not big news anymore I guess... Buffalo Soldiers (111), D-Teasers (115), Puck Fackers (117), Flea Flickers (119), and the Widowmakers (123).  These are the hottest teams in the league.  Four of the five will soon battle it out for the SFFL League championship.  Incredibly a great time for championship caliber teams to be peaking, which should make for an exciting final four?  The Flea Flickers are the odd team out, but are arguably one of the toughest teams to face right now.  In terms of this weeks honor… The Evil Empire just keeps chugging along.  Aided by the Southsiders cast offs of McAllister, Harrison, and Gates, and D-Teasers cast off Andre Johnson… the Widowmakers stung the Pigskins 123 – 91.  If there’s any silver lining for the Oinkers… the Pigskins’ bench did outscore Widows 86-78.  Enough said about the dreaded league leaders.  My hope, and I’m sure the hope of the league, is that they fall flat on their face in the first round of the playoffs.  But for now we must turn aside our collective hatred and honor them as the Hog of the Week.  Congratulations Newman Hennings!

 

HOTW Past winners…

Week 1 – Puck Fackers, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 2 – P-Cubed, Rough Riders

Week 3 – Bear Necessities

Week 4 – D-Teasers

Week 5 – C4 Explosives, Rough Riders

Week 6 – C4 Explosives

Week 7 – D-Teasers

Week 8 – Widowmakers

Week 9 – Pigskins

Week 10 – Buffalo Soldiers

Week 11 – Flea Flickers

Week 12 – Widowmakers

 

In other games:

D-Teasers slipped by the Buffalo Soldiers 115 – 111 despite Taylor’s insistence on playing the pitiful Kansas City Chiefs defense (-3 points)… Flea Flickers clobbered the Southsiders 119 – 79 while Cunningham’s 2005 keepers scored 24 points collectively… Puck Fackers nearly doubled P-Cubed score winning 117 – 59 without priest, a nun, or attending Sunday services… Bear Necessities walloped the Blackcats 73 – 49 despite the trade which sent Terrell Owens to Buffalo for Michael “Keeper” Clayton… C4 Explosives outlasted the Rough Riders 77 – 67, not much to write about here…

 

Points in the Pen: 

Aided by highly sophisticated gadgetry (calculators) and state-of-the-art statistical notation (paper and pencil), this publication has compiled mind-numbing estimatics that backwardly projects optimal scores based on optimal lineups.

 

This weeks results:	Optimal Lineups:
Widowmakers 123  Pigskins 91	Widowmakers 147  Pigskins 141
D-Teasers 115  Buffalo Soldiers 111	D-Teasers 115  Buffalo Soldiers 118
Flea Flickers 119  Southsiders 79	Flea Flickers 122  Southsiders 105
Puck Fackers 117  P-Cubed 59	Puck Fackers 118  P-Cubed 59
Bear Necessities 73  Blackcats 49	Bear Necessities 95  Blackcats 61
C4 Explosives 77  Rough Riders 67	C4 Explosives 77  Rough Riders 80

 

Optimal Wins – games you would have won with the optimal lineup in…

Week 1 – Blackcats, Flea Flickers, C4 Explosives

Week 2 – Roughriders, Pigskins(TIE)

Week 3 – Southsiders

Week 4 – None

Week 5 – P-Cubed

Week 6 – P-Cubed, Flea Flickers, Buffalo Soldiers(TIE)

Week 7 – None

Week 8 – None

Week 9 – P-Cubed

Week 10 – P-Cubed

Week 11 – Roughriders, Pigskins, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 12 – Roughriders, Buffalo Soldiers

 

And finally, a look at the wildcard standings...

 

SFFL Team	Breakdown	Points	Wildcard Breakdown Notes
Widowmakers	99-30-3	1015	The Evil Empire remains on top
Puck Fackers	89-39-4	975	Puck Fackers remains 2nd
Buffalo Soldiers	81-50-1	996	Buffalo Soldiers remains 3rd
D-Teasers	75-55-2	918	D-Teasers moves up 1 spot
Rough Riders	72-58-2	951	Rough Riders moves down 1 spot
C4 Explosives	69-62-1	899	C4 Explosives remains 6th
Bear Necessities	58-70-4	825	Bear Necessities remains 7th
Pigskins	54-77-1	830	Pigskins remains 8th
Flea Flickers	52-79-1	738	Flea Flickers moves up 2 spots
P-Cubed	47-85-0	822	P-Cubed moves down 1 spot
Blackcats	45-86-1	805	Blackcats moves down 1 spot
Southsiders	39-89-4	739	Southsiders remains last

COMMISSIONER'S CORNER

by Matt Augustine

• If DT beats Paul this week, he clinches the Doomsday Division. If he loses and I beat Brian Parker, I can take the division from DT by beating him next week, but only if I overtake him in total points scored. I'm 57 points behind right now. Go Dante!
   

• Same scenario in the C Division... If Will beats Dave this week, he clinches the C Division. If he loses and Butch beats Brad, Butch can take the division from Will by beating him next week but only if he overtakes Will in total points scored... which is virtually impossible. Butch is 194 points behind right now. I am writing Will in as the division champion.
   

• Mike has clinched the Three Athletes & A Thinker Division and can clinch the #1 seed by beating Matt Spencer this week.

Where’s Widow?

 

 

 

 

In 1^st stupid!