Hog Report®

Oink, oink, snort… here comes the Hog Report® for week 14.

Hog of the Week –  A wild week, and some wild finishes!  Three teams are very deserving of the HOTW honor.  D-Teasers, who are on a 3 game winning streak, scored 103 points this past weekend… who would have thought at the start of the season they’d have any chance of winning the Doomsday Division?  P-Cubed and Blackcats were out of it weeks ago, but locked horns this past weekend in a 106-104 thriller decided on MNF.    Can we have a three way tie for the weekly honor?  Sure we can...  let’s give DT the “I can’t believe he’s where’s he’s at” HOG award.  Let’s give Brad the injury riddled “Turf Toe” HOG award.  And, let’s give Dave the “glad he’s okay and out of the hospital” HOG award.  It’s my award and I can do anything I want to!  Bestowing to each of the aforementioned SFFL owners the Hog of the Week honor(s).  Congrats to DT, Brad, and Dave!

HOTW Past winners…

Week 1 – Puck Fackers, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 2 – P-Cubed, Rough Riders

Week 3 – Bear Necessities

Week 4 – D-Teasers

Week 5 – C4 Explosives, Rough Riders

Week 6 – C4 Explosives

Week 7 – D-Teasers

Week 8 – Widowmakers

Week 9 – Pigskins

Week 10 – Buffalo Soldiers

Week 11 – Flea Flickers

Week 12 – Widowmakers

Week 13 – Puck Fackers

Week 14 – D-Teasers, P-Cubed, Blackcats

Game Summaries:  D-Teasers pasted (think pasties) the C4 Explosives 103-78 behind who else Peyton Manning (45 and 46^th TD this season) and the Buffalo Bills Defense (28 fantasy pts)…  In the game of the week, P-Cubed held on to defeat the Blackcats 106-104 behind a gutsy performance by Turf Toe Brown (questionable for week 15) on MNF…  Bears Necessities clobbered the Puck Fackers 91-73 receiving 43 fantasy pts from Who, I mean, Drew Bennett.  Butch left 4 TDs from TJ Duckett on the bench…  Flea Flickers flicked the frickin’ Pigskins silly 88-66.  Brian received 0 points from Boo Williams.  How many teams has he been on this year?… Widowmakers ruff up the Rough Riders 84-67.  Unfortunately, The Evil Empire completes the greatest all time single season record in SFFL history.  Many thanks go out to Mike’s farm system located in the Southside… And finally, the Buffalo Soldiers galloped past the Southsiders 81-46 and into the SFFL playoffs as the 2004 Wildcard!  Brians 2005 keepers scored 7 fantasy points.  Oh, and Ruben Droughns was benched after 2 fumbles but brought back in after Tatum Bell suffered a season ending injury.  STAY AWAY FROM DENVER RBs!

And now our exclusive Hog Report® Playoffs at a glance… who will win it all?

Points in the Pen: 

Aided by highly sophisticated gadgetry (calculators) and state-of-the-art statistical notation (paper and pencil), this publication has compiled mind-numbing estimatics that backwardly projects optimal scores based on optimal lineups.

Optimal Wins – games you would have won with the optimal lineup in…

Week 1 – Blackcats, Flea Flickers, C4 Explosives

Week 2 – Roughriders, Pigskins(TIE)

Week 3 – Southsiders

Week 4 – None

Week 5 – P-Cubed

Week 6 – P-Cubed, Flea Flickers, Buffalo Soldiers (TIE)

Week 7 – None

Week 8 – None

Week 9 – P-Cubed

Week 10 – P-Cubed

Week 11 – Roughriders, Pigskins, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 12 – Roughriders, Buffalo Soldiers

Week 13 – Pigskins, Buffalo Soldiers, Bear Necessities

Week 14 – Blackcats

And finally, a look at the wildcard standings...

Where’s Widow? 

Mikey’s my

 boyfriend!